MERRIED SEINOR COMIC: Ah, he got you too, eh?
B-MANAJERK: Shut up!
DARKBIND SONICHU: Well, Chris, I have to go, but I am glad that I was able to help you in this battle!
CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER: Thank you, D.B.
DARKBIND SONICHU: I’m off!
CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER: Now, as for you two manajerks, the pain that you both are feeling now should be punishment enough for going against me in my quest for a boyfriend-free girl to love and trust! I do not care about your rules, either of you, or any male, other than my father and myself! But let me make it perfectly clear that in my quest, it is very hard for me to find a girl due to the infinitely-high boyfriend-factor! And I do not want to risk getting a punch in the face from a jerk! Also, since the ladies are unable to notice my person, because they mostly have shopping on their minds, I have to loudly spell it out. So, please, just leave me alone with my Love Quest!
B-Manajerk has apparently fallen to the ground just inches away from the spot where Merried Seinor Comic has been left dismembered and helpless by Darkbind Sonichu. Befitting his name, the Comic seems at worst bemused by their defeat, whereas B is rather frustrated.
Darkbind’s reasons for suddenly leaving are as mysterious as the circumstances that brought him here (yes, he wanted to help Chris, but that doesn’t explain why he was in the vicinity). It is as if the character somehow understands that Chris will no longer need his assistance, without foreseeing that the battle is far from over.
With the crisis resolved, Chris reverts to human form to lecture the manajerks about the folly of their actions against him. This is perhaps the largest block of text in Sonichu up to this point (though far larger ones will appear later in the series), and it indicates the author’s growing need to make his motivations clear to his persecutors. In previous sub-episodes, Chris lashes out against the Jerkhief and Mary Lee Walsh primarily to put an end to their interference, but here he wants B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic to know why they are wrong to oppose him.
One can infer the author’s frustration with the real-life events that inspired this tale. In reality, Mr. Chandler backed down from the McDonald’s managers, but he no doubt wished he could physically force them to listen to his side of the story. In Sonichu, at least, he gets his wish. The irony, though, is that these versions of his tormentors—created and directed by himself—will never be made to understand his point of view, and are arguably more hard-hearted than the real men who confronted Chris in 2005. There is no use in lecturing these two villains, and our hero must surely know this; his speech can only be meant for the consideration of the reader.
The speech itself is one of the pinnacles of Mr. Chandler’s anti-social tendencies, as he rejects all authority that restricts his whims and condemns all men except those within his immediate family. His logical leap from the difficulty of his quest to avoiding being punched in the face by a jerk would sound especially delusional and paranoid to the uninformed. This is exactly the sort of rambling that makes it impossible to comprehend Chandler’s thoughts without guides such as this one.
The “infinitely-high boyfriend-factor” is one of Mr. Chandler’s most recognizable neologisms. The “boyfriend-factor” is simply the condition that some of the potential sweethearts in Chris’s Love Quest already have boyfriends, which naturally reduces the available candidates. It is “infinitely-high” insofar as Chris is (or, at least, was in 2005) convinced that this issue has an extreme effect on his quest—that any given woman he contacts will almost certainly have a boyfriend who will surely assault him out of jealousy.
It should be obvious to the reader, however, that the real factor at play here is simply Chris’s fear, and the manner in which he allows it to prevent him from actively seeking what he wants. Nevertheless, the infinitely-high boyfriend-factor is the central justification for his Love Quest methodology. Chris simply cannot approach single women out of fear they may not be single, so he must passively wait where they can find him. You can almost feel the author’s irritation that he cannot make anyone understand this.
So it’s all the more laughable that Chandler sabotages his own plea for sympathy (and make no mistake, these sub-episodes are purely designed to convince the reader to pity him) by blaming the failure of his methods on women. Rest assured, if Chris cannot attract mates by sitting in a Wal-Mart McDonald’s, listening to music on his headphones (most likely with his head down), it is not because he is sending the wrong signals (i.e., “I do not wish to be disturbed”) or that female passers-by simply find him unremarkable or creepy. It is because women are all shopaholics so blinded by amazing deals that they are oblivious to handsome young men seeking their affections. It does not seem to enter the author’s mind whatsoever that his target audience may be preoccupied with shopping because he is trying to encounter them in shopping centers.
Chris’s remark about having to “loudly spell it out” refers to the various signs he carried with him explaining his need for a girlfriend and requesting that women approach him. The “Attraction Sign” was the greatest point of contention between Chandler and those opposing his Love Quest, since it represented the firmest legal grounds (solicitation) for removing him from public places. It’s clear here that the author by this time realized the need to explain the sign’s intended purpose, but still failed to see that no explanation would ever be sufficient.
Although no such sign appears in this story, the events that inspired it seem to have resulted from Chris using one. In his account of his June 20, 2005 altercation at McDonald’s, Mr. Chandler said that when the two managers left to call the police, he quickly hid “the sign from my Nintendo DS” (most likely this one), and denied its existence once the police arrived.